So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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