Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
