i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
