HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize