someone get that fucking seahorse.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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