so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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