Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
