When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
