..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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