With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize