Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
