I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
