Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
