In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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