i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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