What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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