We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
