so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
is that a dick in a sweater?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
