This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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