I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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