I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
