Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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