sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
it was like eating out sand paper
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm like, not good at living.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
