Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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