Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
