are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
