Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
She is in my trunk
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize