Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
