Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize