Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he shaved USA in his pubs
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
