Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
