I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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