i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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