How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
