How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
