I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
