If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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