I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
