EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
This is classic penis vs brain.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
