Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
