Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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