Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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