I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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