oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
