did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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