I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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