I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
