Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
