y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
