When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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