normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
