I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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