her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
