Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
