how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
