He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
