Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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