They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
