He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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