My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize