She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
