The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
