I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
