Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
