Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
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