Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
found the other keg... it's in the tree
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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