man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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