Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
