yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
