Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
