I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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