Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
