Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize