she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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