he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
