the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize