Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
