Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
