I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
