hell yes lets make some ravioli
I accidentally burped into my bong.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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