We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
