Tell her she can't have a vagina
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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