We're facebook friends in real life
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
