just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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