how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize