My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
