Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize