i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
