i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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