What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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