How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
