You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Houston, we have a blender
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
