In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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