Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
