The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
