I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
