If i come over, it means nothing
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
