i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
