I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize