God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize