That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
